Yeah, despite all my best intentions and protestations, I’ve become “that woman.” You know the one, the hysterical woman that reads all sorts of gloom and doom into every little ache and pain of pregnancy. I made it through 39+ weeks and finally I caught “the paranoia.” I think it has something to do with the weeks of not sleeping — getting three hours of sleep, watching a movie, and getting another three hours of sleep. (I think I may actually sleep better when the baby comes…)

Anyway, I KNEW nothing was wrong but somehow for the last few nights, I convinced myself that the baby wasn’t moving AS MUCH (baby does actually move quite a bit) and that there wasn’t enough baby juice and that (insert random crazy thought here…) My recent parent friends Maryann and Joy both assured me that all was fine but “that woman” kept whispering in my ear.

My night-time emotional psyche finally wore down the daytime logical self and I called my doctor. “I know I’m just being paranoid but (add litany of crazy thoughts)…” and they stopped me mid-sentence. “Do you want to come in today?” YES!

I saw one of the doctors in the practice and started off with all the disclaimers, “I know I’m being crazy and everything is fine but I’m being paranoid and…” so they measured everything and told me it was all fine. However, to make me feel better and to help me sleep (as if I was one of “those women” who had the vapors and was unable to cope), they scheduled a Non-Stress Test at the hospital. I was so relieved I almost cried.

I went over there and again protested “I’m sure it is fine and I am just being silly and I can’t believe I’m doing this when there are people who really do need these tests…” as the technician did a sonogram (“don’t look if you don’t want to see the gender” but baby was being shy even if I was tempted…). The image showed that Baby had blood flow which seemed like a good sign. And it had enough juice to continue cooking for awhile. PHEW. Then she hooked me up to the monitors and the baby’s heartbeat pounded away, echoing off the walls of the small dark room. I did my “kick count” after a chocolate chip cookie and a glass of cranberry juice as babies apparently get very excited with a bit of sugar in their systems. All was well. But after about 30 minutes, the heartbeat dropped a bit and the technician came in a few times and prodded my side or adjusted how I was sitting and looked at the monitor. After a few of these episodes, seeing I was getting a bit skittish and unable to complete my easy Soduku puzzle, she declares “Baby, don’t fall asleep. I need you awake!” and pulls out a small machine she tells me she’s not going to put on my skin. Apparently it was a simple noisemaker to wake the tyke up. After a few loud blows with little response (I envisioned baby hearing something vaguely annoying but not enough to really take notice — much like my sister and brother being COMPLETELY un-phased when the fire alarm went off for lack of batteries in the middle of the night) the technician puts the noisemaker right up to my skin and BLOWS. Baby did startle a bit but went right back to sleep. It’s nice someone is getting sleep these days.

So the upshot is that everything is fine. Baby is doing the rumba as I type. And, I lost my cool just before the finish line. I guess I’ll just have to admit I’m human after all. Oh well. At least it won’t be my kid that informs me of this simple fact.

ONE MORE THING…

I found out that my brother’s videos are officially the most successful ever launched on the OUTSIDE website both in terms of quantity of views and length of time viewed. Apparently video #6, Fire Part 2 is the most watched.

The impressive part of all of this is my brother is almost a Luddite when it comes to the web and computers. I’m the techie in the family. However, he took a few lessons from my video producer father and went off on his own using Apple’s iMovie to edit all those videos. “Most impressive, young Skywalker; but you are not a Jedi yet.”

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